Warming Up

"It is my perception of others that needs to change. I just sense that a bit of isolation will do me good; to create an inner desire/want/impetus to click, connect and put mental effort towards other people (ie. becoming more extroverted). This, combined with a healthy lifestyle, healthy diet, healthy body, and healthy mind should hopefully lead to a healthy social life, come 2009." - The Big Red Chilli, Oct 2008

"I am glad that I am finally feeling lonely. Thank god. I was beginning to think that there was something wrong with me. Anyway, I am now starting to feel the urge/compulsion/desire/want to interact with others. It took a few weeks of social isolation but I think it was well worth it." - Unemployed, In Pain, Lonely, December 2008


Warming up
Months ago, I felt like I had lost my humanity. I wasnt able to warm up to people. To approach with empathy - to click, so to speak. But now that I have my life sorted out, I find myself warming up to people. I am 23, and this is long long overdue. I find that it comes naturally, I dont have to put any conscious effort into remembering things about people anymore. I go with the flow, and see where it takes me.

Randomness
It's time to roll the dice. Riding on smiles. People are friendly. People are nice. It's good to meet new people. Random people. They are playing the game of life, just like yourself. And these people have friends too. And friends of friends. And acquaintances. Sheer randomness. As I mix and mingle I feel my character, my personality developing. It is my own. It is based on nobody. I am truly myself. Finally..

Loss of the "la"
An acquaintance told me she didnt think I was Malaysian. Apparently, I dont have any detectable accent - neither Malay, Chinese nor Manglish...and I dont use "la" when I talk. Hmm, I never noticed myself change, so I guess I must have changed slowly since coming to Australia. My English accent has never been like the English accents of the Chinese or Malays. I grew up on a diet of Sesame Street and Electric Company and had a flawless American accent...until primary school where I picked up the Chinese-Malaysian-English accent. In secondary school, i moved to a predominantly Malay school, and my accent changed again. Now people say that I dont have any detectable accent. I speak neutral English so to speak. I dont speak like the Malay Malaysians, I dont speak like the Chinese Malaysians, I dont speak like the Indian Malaysians. I speak like Ezra.

The Turning Of The Tides

Through darkness I found my way.
Charting my own path.
My way.
My destiny.
I am in control.

I am thankful for sustenance.
My physical being thrives.
I feel myself growing.
Yet I never loosened my belt.
I feel awesome.

I embrace the world
And the realities I once avoided
Soothing lies exposed
Childish fears expunged
Escapism nil.

Unchained from the shackles of mind
My sense of self grows.
My personality.
I am myself. Yes.
And I will do all I can do to keep that.

The tides have changed.
I taste it in the water.
I feel it in the earth.
I smell it in the air.
It is time to shine.

Game of life - Win.

Day, One.

"It's like I've known you forever..."

I only knew her for a day. Of a different nationality, upbringing, and mother tongue. I once thought that cultural compatibility was what really mattered in the game of love. Perhaps not.


Angel
My friends said I changed. No dirty jokes. No antagonism. No sarcasm. Just me. For a day at least. It came naturally. I did not intentionally try to be anything im not..and for some reason that day I was just different. Perhaps she changed me, temporarily at least. I've got to be like that more often.

Friend of Friends
Easy to approach, unlike a stranger. If there is chemistry, empathy ensues. I need to expand my social circle. For friends have friends.

To Whom It May Concern
It's unfortunate that we should meet at such a late hour. You are different from others...and I wish I had a chance to say goodbye. Time will tell if our paths shall cross again. I hope they do. Till then, I wish you the best in your endeavors.